This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed)
So Angi and Abe have a mutual friend (it's clearly not me, after all I endured today from Angi) who is going on vacation with her long term boyfriend this weekend. In their mind, this means a proposal should be happening but real life things trigger Abe and so instead of fun and happiness, we had an Abe Kanan meltdown. He decided with this news that he wants to install a proposal so that no more proposals happen. It should be a discussion as opposed to it falling into the hands of the guy and forcing him to make the decision. Why is it up to the guy though, why does he need to decide when it is pushed to the next level? Some people have to wait for years and why is it up to the guy? The discussion should be had and then have it be done with. When Angi was dating Jay the Straight, they sat down and discussed the idea of marriage because they both wanted it. The discussion turned toward tradition and how a girl wants a guy on one knee like in Sex in the City. This got into a massive discussion about marriage. Angi hounded Abe (as she does) asking him when he intends to propose to his girlfriend of 7 years. Apparently, it's never been discussed and Abe has no intention of mentioning getting married. According to him, Cathy Tropicana has also not made a question of asking him about marriage as well. They both simply do not care about marriage which is fine but still. Pressed further though by Angi, he explained that he's put his foot down on kids and marriages and though it has never been explicitly stated, Cathy knows his stance. After all, not everyone needs to get married. After more back and forth, Abe explained that they are on the same page. Angi then suggested that Abe spend the weekend having the discussion to which he said no (no wonder she was so mad today.) The one thing he might cave on though is getting a passport because Cathy really wants him to go to Greece with her (I smell a reverse proposal coming I think.) Anyway, we capped this all off on Abe discussing how married people just love to drag single people into their married misery sphere so they can all be unhappy together. Angi just finds it weird that in 7 years none of this has come up but there was no changing the mind of the man who does not want anything (aside from mayo, Stamos and poker.)
Other Stuff from Today's Show:
So as I discussed during my call yesterday, iHeart Chicago had a "Spring Fling" BBQ for its employees. I normally would insert some sarcastic comment about how only 7 people actually work here regularly but I say that every day pretty much so you should know that already. Also discussed during my call (I should have just reposted yesterday's notes at this rate,) was Angi's MCDLT styrofoam package that was gifted to her by Big Poppa. Though gifted really isn't the proper word as she lives in irrational fear of folding the relic from 1989 lest Big Poppa does Don't Kill Angi for real. The thing that cost $50,000 is actually really old and flimsy so it led to food waste because Angi ended up dropping her burger on the ground. While Angi was creating problems, her partner in crime was off doing the same thing. Seeing the food waste that Angi was promoting inspired Abe to do something against it. Much like a carnival barker, Abe started yelling for random strangers to come to the BBQ (much to Angi's disgust. After all she doesn't let co-workers look her in the eye, let alone peasants off the street.) To make sure his generous act of charity was okay, Abe ran the idea to soon to be boyfriend Big Poppa, who will agree to anything Abe asks for. Once given the go ahead, Abe was calling everyone over. The security guards, the guy on the scaffolding, a boat tour that was just passing by, even some folks in Gary, Indiana heard Abe's dolphin cry. Abe is, after all, a man of the people and so he wants to make sure that everyone is fed, like he's Jesus. Another thing that came from the lovely lunch was the desire for name tags because again, only 7 people tend to work in the building at all times and there were 50 people at the BBQ yesterday. Of those 50, let's say there's 20 who come to work and the other 30 tend not to. Though the sad reality of name tags being even an option exists, it is still one to be considered. However, until this archaic but necessary measure is implemented, the two dingbats have a system in place. They play what we can call, "The Name Game," which is a fake introduction system to help both of them remember names. Angi will bring someone over and say "Hey, this is Abe," and the person, let's call them Jim, "hey, I'm Jim" and in turn, they both now know the name. See people, this is what happens when you don't come to work!
So, Stranger Things is big right now and because of it, there is a music resurgence happening along with it as well. As someone who hasn't seen the show (don't crucify me, I get it,) apparently at some point the show, music saves a life. This led to Angi and Abe explaining what they would do if they were in a coma (I wonder if this is legally binding?) Angi said yank the cord after 5 minutes. As for Abe, he said "it depends" and maybe to wait a couple days. With that in mind, here's songs that have woken people from a coma:
"Living on a Prayer" - Bon Jovi
"Unchained Melody" - The Righteous Brothers
"American Idiot" (the album) - Green Day
"Rolling in the Deep" - Adele
As for what Angi, use "Walk" - Pantera and "Love Gun" - KIϟϟ for Abe.
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Abe (Streak: 3)
Angi's (repping Brent) Song Choice: "Who Made Who" by AC/DC
Abe's (repping Kelly) Song Choice: "Mary Jane's Last Dance" by Tom Petty
Smack Talk Recap:
Angi forces the roadies to bark on command, that's what she's doing today. After all, she is sick of Abe winning so it makes sense. You should also vote for Abe if you're a Cubs fan because Tom Deady wore a Cubs jersey at his last concert. For whatever reason, this whole thing devolved into hating on harmonica players.
Winner: Abe
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Angi Wants to Be a Posh Gold Coaster
Mon: Angi has a day off
Angi is squatting in some kind of Gold Coast Motel 6 dump and spent her day off getting mad at girls in thongs, drinking boxed wine and accidentally farting on Jay the Straight. (N/A)
Tue: Angi wanted to pick up a hooker
Howie had Angi decide to go to Gibson's to pick up a hooker. Apparently bringing home paid strange makes you pretty posh, who would have known. Angi rolls up in her Tesla and sees a long legged beauty, her sparkling mini skirt shimmering in the moonlight. Angi started spitting her best hooker game to attempt to lure the beautiful bunny to her car. However, the hooker was actually insulted by Angi's catcalling. It wasn't the bad pick up lines and flashing of cash that upset her though but the fact that Angi was in an electric car. Tansy the hooker needs a real engine to "rev her up." Still though, she walked over to Angi and asked "so, you like electricity?" After responding "yes," the hooker pulled out her taser and used it on Angi, shocking her until her heart exploded. (Dead)
Wed: Angi rolled up on the Top Gun volleyball game
Shelby had Angi decide to join Team Maverick. Angi, former semi pro (not really but sure) volleyball player is known for her absolute fire serve. She spiked the ball and everyone was super impressed with her skill level. In fact, all of the hot shirtless dudes were so enamoured with her, they couldn't stop gawking. However, a grumbling sound came from Team Iceman's side when one member seemed to be annoyed with her showboating. It was Secretary of the show Jay the Gay, who was also there drinking in the sight of shirtless dudes. Enraged, he stormed through the net dragging it off the poles and with him. He tossed the net onto Angi and started pummeling her, pushing her to the ground as he did. She tried to fight back but her t-rex arm was wrapped up along with the rest of her body and so she pleaded as Jay the Gay picked her up and walked her toward the lake. Hoisted above his shoulders with gay Hulk strength, he threw Angi into the lake where she sank and drowned. (Dead)
Thur: Angi wanted to get her drank on in a Gold Coast bar
Edwin had Angi decide to She-nannigans, a sports bar that transforms into a late night dancing hot spot. While inside, she ended up spotting a bachelorette party from Ohio. For a reason that is beyond my comprehension, the gaggle of women (I think you call them squawkboxes,) ordered a ton of Goldschläger and drank themselves stupid. Normally, you would expect Angi's bowels to explode or some nonsense but none of that today. Instead, her and the ladies ended up pooping gold, like that scene in Bridesmaids basically. (Alive)
(Let it be known that this one isn't up to my normal recap because I missed the segment and didn't have the podcast to fall back on.)
Fri: Angi wanted to go shopping at a Gold Coast store
Jesse had Angi go to Tiffany. She was absolutely enamoured with everything in the store. While she looked around the store, she found herself caught up in a proposal right before her. A man on one knee had barely finished getting a "yes" from his partner before Angi was upon them, explaining she's an ordained minister and would love to officiate. However, any talk of marriage causes Anti Marriage Kanan to appear and Abe suddenly burst through the glass doors. He started rambling on about how there shouldn't be any more proposals. Hearing this enraged the groom as well as the confused bride but before they could tussle, Abe got furious. With no regard for safety, he started to Stone Cold Stunner everyone. Up first, the bride *stunner!* then the groom *stunner!* then the lady behind the counter calling the police *stunner!* However, in his haste to hurt people, Abe grabbed Angi next and stunnered her, which caused her neck to break as she took the move wrong. (Dead)
10 O'Clock Toast:
Quentin Tarantino. The foot pig is back in the news because he once had a theory about Top Gun being a gay allegory and ... wait a minute, is that "My Heart Will Go On?" No, we're not finished explaining thi....
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"When I was pregnant, I would have loved someone to throw a cheeseburger at me." - Angi
"When your water breaks, how much water is it?" - Abe
"I'm like a young George Clooney." - Abe
"Hey, leaving dinner with your husband and giving handies on the street to pay for your valet is kind of trampy, wouldn't ya say?" - Minn Barb
PSA's:
PSAbe: You better not lose to a team from Stockton.